30 Day Writing Challenge. DAY 11: Put your music player on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop-up

Here are a list of 10 songs that popped when I shuffled my music player. Some I love, some not so much.

Let me know which one’s you like and which one’s you wish I’d deleted

1. Guaranteed- Eddie Vedder

His voice is beautiful. SO brilliant.

2. Hall Of Fame- The Script

3. Vienna- Billy Joel

4. Paradise- Coldplay ( Listen to the ThePianoGuys cover of this it’s beautiful too)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G4isv_Fylg&feature=kp – Coldplay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgovv8jWETM&feature=kp – ThePianoGuys

5. Kabira- Tochi Raina and Rekha Bharadwaj ( Yeh Jawaani hai Deewani)

6. Yellow Submarine- The Beatles

7. All I want for Christmas- Michael Buble

8. Ride- Lana Del Rey

9. Dil Se Re- A.R. Rahman

10.Metamorphosis- Anoushka Shankar

 

I shall dedicate a whole blog to 10 of my favourite songs on my play list soon!

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30 Day Writing Challenge. Day 10: Discuss your first love and your first kiss

My first love was a boy I dated for three weeks.

This boy used to stay in the floor below mine and was crazy charming and intelligent and three years older. I knew him since I was in 5th grade. He had an oversmart mother and he thought no end of himself. I of course, being the cool and kickass fifth grader that I was didn’t fall in this ‘trap’.

We both grew up and had our falls and our relationship. We started talking again when I was in 8th grade and he 11th. At that point, I liked someone else. Very very very much. And the Mr. Obnoxious walked in and flirted his way into my very gullible and ‘give-me-love-and-shower-me-with-attention’ heart. He asked me out and we began dating. I of course still liked that other boy but well the ‘playaah’ that I was continued with this relationship. Then one night he and I realized that this just wasn’t ‘meant to be’ and he left after the most beautiful break up and that was it. That night I fell in love with this boy. Of course now I wonder if it was just ‘the thrill of the chase’ for me. So for the next seven months I hoped and prayed he would come back to me. That this time we would magically work. We were in the same school and during those seven months he became the school captain and changed. He changed from the funny, nice, charming him to a jackass, charming him. In my head though, we were meant to be. Everything he said or did was a sign to me. A sign that he ‘loves’ me. Of course that was faar from the truth.

Now in those seven months a huge sign was missed by me. His best friend hit on me and I thought that he did (He being BFF) really liked me, I tried to convince myself that I did too. We ‘dated’ or something like that for two weeks. Of course all he cared about was getting into my pants, which never happened. He though did manage to become one of the main topic of writing of this post. My first kiss.

I do want to give you a magical re-telling of how when our lips first touched the world burst and the universe engulfed us and it was just him and me on a pink cloud with dancing ponies all around us.

BUT

That is a lie. What really happened was 5 minutes behind some garage, him pinning my hands on the wall and kissing me and me wondering why the books lies about kisses because this sucked. No rainbows and butterflies, just mosquitoes biting my leg, the sound of traffic interfering with my thoughts and this kiss just not ending. My first kiss, humans, was a complete and utter fail. So were many afterwards, till well boyfriend number 7. That slightly had butterflies involved and how.

Of course, here there was no love.

 

Now let’s come back to the love story. So I was crazy about Mr. Obnoxious and secretly hoped he was crazy about me too. It wasn’t like he serenaded me or charmed my socks off or held me like I was precious or anything that makes people fall for other people. I loved him because he broke up with me. Because he mended me by letting me go. I thought that this boy was the boy for me.

This. Never. Happened.

 

SO

I just couldn’t wait around for him anymore, so I started talking to him. And he came over that evening and no one was home and the first time touched me like I had never been touched. As romantic as that sounds, it wasn’t. It wasn’t a touch I like re-visiting via memory. He left and so did the part of me that loved him. I cried the whole of that evening, for a lost love and a lost me. We broke up the next day because obviously ‘he just wasn’t that into me’.

The rumour mills were working again and for two years people believed a lot he said about me that never happened. Even then, I compared my next two lovings to my love for Mr. Obnoxious.

Today Mr. O and I still talk and he still flirts every once in a while but I feel nothing. They say your first love will always be a part of you and you will always love them no matter what, just a bit. I don’t think that happened to me. I think that part of me died that evening or just numbed.

My first kiss was far from magic. It was boring and dull.

My first love was just that. MY first love. Nothing more and nothing less.

Today of course I define love differently. It isn’t tough or hurtful or difficult. It is easy and romantic and uncompromising. It’s beautiful. My first love might have been him but the first time in my life where I feel love everywhere and in me and outside me and in everything in the world is now. Maybe love changes everytime and maybe this time is my first too because honestly

30 Day Writing Challenge. DAY 9: What you hope your future will be like

My future. I imagine parts of what I hope it to be like everyday

I hope that I am happy

I hope I am still in love

I hope I am rich

I hope I have traveled.

Traveled my country

Traveled another’s

Seen my country through and the world through my eyes

Understood it through another’s

I hope the man I marry is a man I love

I hope the man I love is the man from now

I hope the people I love are still a huge part of my life

I hope the job I have is something I love doing

I hope I have more experiences than money

I hope when I walk the streets, I am respected and not raped

I hope that people are accepted for things they can’t change about themselves and not ostracized

I hope the violence against each other, reduces. Stops.

I hope we live.

I hope we survive.

I hope we change.

I hope we make a change.

I hope I don’t lose sight of really living my life in the madness of the rat race

I want to look at my world and believe that there is hope

I hope that I never stop writing

I hope my blog idea with bestfriend#3 works out

I hope I have made my mom travel the world with me

I hope that even if my future is nothing like this, I am happy

30 Day Challenge. DAY 8: Your relationship with your best friend.

To begin with, I don’t have one best friend. I have three. I have three beautiful girls I call my best friend. So let me break down my relationship with each one of them

1. Best Friend number 1

She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She was in my class in 6th grade and that was the last time we were in the same class. We became best friends in 8th grade and I have never ever looked back since. I was a brat and I was obnoxious but she still loved every part of me with everything she had. I was and still am the more ‘shower love’ on her kind of friend and she the ‘I love you but I will never say it, except after I watch Bride Wars kind of girl. She won’t talk/call you till she feels like it and would expect you to do the same. The relationship we have isn’t based on how many times we call each other or how many times we meet. We have gone far beyond that. For us, we know that no matter what happens. Who we become friends with, who all become our best/worst friend and the people we date. We know that at the end of the day we will always remain best friends. She knows that she will always be family and more to me. She is my guiding star, my moral compass and I am not myself if I don’t have her and our memories. She has been there through all the stages of me from- Obnoxious to fighting to ‘let’s not bitch’ to responsible to hopeless to the now me. I owe a lot to her. For being there and never leaving. We are an old married couple really, words don’t need to fill the time and the physical distance (she lives in another city) between us is something we’ve learned to live with. Every time I am with her, I am me. She has seen me in my best and my worst and loved me through it all. The old, stupid me and I know that is okay, because she loves all of it.

Have been asked that on one too many occasions

2. Best Friend number 2.

How we became best friends is weird. Also that had to happen because that is what our relationship is like: weird. We met in 6th grade and fought. In 7th grade we became best friends. In 8th grade we stopped being best friends. In 9th grade much hate for each other happened. In 10th grade a sleepover and a few messages later friendship bloomed. In 11th grade we became super close. In 12th grade we were co-dependent and somewhere in the middle of ALL of this, we became best friends. She is my baby. Every dirty, horrible and ghastly truth about me: she knows. She also knows me better than I know myself. She also believes in me more than anyone in the world. I always believe I mother her, but unknowingly somewhere it happens the other way round. We are weird. There are no boundaries in our relationship. We pee in front of each other, she can’t sleep away if she sleeps next to me, I can’t stop being ‘Delhi’ when I am with her, no concept of what should and shouldn’t be said. We have discussions about the world and it’s mysteries and also our bowel movements. About poets and their poetry and arm hair. We live far away but it has not stopped us from being us. As long as we love each, through the distance, that is enough. Of course it doesn’t help that we are super possessive. This relationship is very screwed up. I hate her new friends and she hates mine not because they are bad because we hate having to share. That being said we know that no one can take precedence in our lives than each other. Also, we have this weird revenge shizzle we do also block each other out sometimes, but the flaw in our plan is that we can never be that way for more than an hour. I love this woman. More than life itself. We are soul mates.

3. Best Friend number 3

She is the love of my life. I can’t begin to describe her. She is best friend number one and two. I need to be around her more than anyone else because she is my dose of crazy, good crazy. She is my dose of normal. She is beautiful and smart and funny and she will love you like you are the only person in the world to deserve that loving. We became best friends over a year back. I go back home every once a month so that I can see her or I talk to her at least four times a week because I can’t function without telling her each and every part of my life. No matter how mundane it is. I also believe that i wouldn’t have been the person I am today without her. She and I are co-dependent. We have other million people for us but when it comes down to her and me there is nothing more beautiful in life. What i share with her is hard to put into words. She and I are crazy and retarded and take joy in the simpler things in life, like climbing gates or coming up with cool theories and stories. We can’t go without talking/seeing each other for too long. I hate it when she makes new best friends and she doesn’t really because she knows no matter what I will love her the most. All my advice taking on important and ridiculous things happens with her because she will be honest and nothing but that. No matter how much I want her to be otherwise. She is my sunshine so to say, I am nothing but a cranky boring human being without her. She is the weird in me. She is my world.

 

I share unique and important and magical relationships with all three of them. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I would give up all the good in my life to see them happy. Of course that would also mean I would have to give them up because they are the magic to my life. These girls are the most important people in my life and that will never change. I love you guys. Forever. And always.

30 Day Challenge. DAY 7- Your Zodiac Sign and if you think it fits your personality

I am a Capricorn. I ALWAYS go through those horoscopes and those horoscope books, just to know what I am supposed to be like. When I read the Day 7 challenge, I thought “PSSH. I KNOW ALL ABOUT MAH SIGN”, now I sit down to write it and know/remember nothing.

Anyway, after googling “Capricorn” “Am I Capricorn” “Why are capricorns Goats” “Goats” “Farm” “Old McDonald had a farm eeiioooeeiiooo” I found this

“Capricorns are hard working, determined, ambitious,practical, realistic and stubborn in terms of achieving their goal. For them life is one big project, a business approach to life and unforgiving to those who aren’t ambitious about life” and so on and so forth.

I would LOVE to say I am one of those boring things or that none of that is true. But it is. I believe in achievement. I thrive on achieving and reaching the top. Everything is a means to an end in terms of my goals to me, I am super practical and work super hard and am VERY ambitious. BUT I am also lazy, I leave things the minute I get bored or am not forced to stick to it. I believe everyone should do what makes them happy even if achievement is not one of the things on their list, but they shouldn’t ride on another’s success and give credit where credit is due. I believe life shouldn’t be a means to an end and try to practice it sometimes too. But fail. 

I try to be the carefree, cool girl from the books, but I can’t.  reaching the top, achieving my goals and going via my five year plan is important to me. I work super hard to complete things I commit to but also slack and laze around. I try to calm the fuck down and relax, but relaxing makes me feel useless and I can NOT feel useless. So that. Again being this person, the one who works for whatever she gets in life, to do well in life is super important to me AND it makes me happy. The exhaustion, the feeling of working super hard for something and getting praise for it, means a lot to me. I don’t think I don’t like this person, on the contrary I like the person I am.

 

“They are down to earth and aren’t interested in crazy ideas. Greedy and materialistic, but are too practical to let this carry them away”

I agree about the down to earth, greedy and materialistic bit. I am. I also don’t get carried away with the idea of it all though. But saying I am not into crazy ideas is stupid. I LOVE to crazy spontaneous ideas. My crazy may not be getting sloshed and never going back home, but it will be climbing the gate to get home, or travelling to places I have never been, just because I want to, nothing planned. To wake up and go out instead of heading to college/work because I feel like! So that is a part of me that isn’t much Capricorn

Much materialism. Such money.

” Loyal friends, romantic on the inside but expect the man to show love, they have mood swings” and a lot more

On a whole I think I am a Capricorn through and through. I am super loyal and will always be there for my friends. they are my life, I have tons of mood swings and people usually take me on their team because they know I will always come through. I love working and love responsibility. I also respect authority. In terms of love though, I love really easily and am super romantic from day one. I am not hard to please and don’t need much to fall in love. But when I love, I give it my all. Also they say Capricorns can go all night long in the bedroom and have tons of stamina. Um, I would like to say that is not true for every Capricorn. Some of us are just, um, a little less healthy you see.

Normal people- more sex! YEAH!
Me: Let’s lie down. Never move. I am done. Much tired.

 

ANYWAY

MOSTLY I am a Capricorn. A much weird and crazy one at that.

Also I am a goat.

 

30 Day Challenge. DAY 6: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself

1. I have a mole on top of my left ear which is not visible till I push my hair back and point it out. It’s big and not pretty. But not easily visible

2. I have tried hookah when I was in tenth standard

 

3. I gulped Red Wine down, just a bit, once when I was upset.

4. I search for luck in everything new. Including necklaces I wear, shoes I try for the first time

5. I have had eight boyfriends and one text relationship

6. I pass unconscious judgements on how people dress

7.I try only the chocolate flavours in ice-cream shops

8. I am obsessed with clean toilets

9. I have been sexually involved with four guys. Slept with two and been in love with one.

10. I have sent sexy- top less and everything- photos to my boyfriend.

11. I can’t call someone my best friend till they don’t say it first. To scared to take the first step

12. I can say ‘I love you’ too easily. I meant it rarely. To few.

13. I get mad easily but don’t show it

14. I am super sensitive. I cry at the drop of an emotional quote.

 

15. I write well only if I am filled with a negative emotion

16. I am friends with people I don’t like very much anymore

17. I get jealous easily

18. I am the most passive possessive person you will meet

19. I don’t like Pokemon.

20. I always loved Courage, Powerpuff Girls and Dexter’s Laboratory

21. If a book doesn’t interest me in the first three pages, I can’t read it. I have more books than I can read. I am a complusive book buyer.

22. I hate competitive sports

23. I am only outwardly brave, inside, I am scared shitless

24. I have a bucket list, stuff like:

25. I want to get married. (like by the time I am 24 or something.)

26. I want to work for human rights, but I am all talk no work

27. I think of death, dying and killing and other gruesome things a lot, they come as passing thoughts. I have learnt not to pay attention to them

28. I can’t look at dogs/babies when I am eating food

29. I get euphoric when someone touches/plays/braids my hair

30.  My best friends are more important than 99% of my family to me

Also, because I want to

31. I want five tattoos. Maybe more, but those five for sure.

30 Day Writing Challened. DAY 5: How would you describe yourself

This is probably one of the toughest topics EVER. So much to say but nothing to write, aah the agony!

How would I describe myself. I want to paint this very cool and awesome picture of me but I can’t really. I am ordinary.

I find happiness in little things like finding out that I still have coke left from a night before, that the book I am reading has a few more pages left, that I answered in class when there was this super smart discussion, that I got an extra piece of chicken in my Chicken Curry and Neer Dosa. The fact that humans say nice things about me, the wind blowing in my face when it’s a hot day, that my room has more books than I can possibly read that in two months I will be going home to my best friend and boyfriend. I believe that you should be your dreams. You should dreamer bigger and larger than life itself and you should follow those dreams. And I think if you don’t achieve those dreams, it’s okay because you tried to follow them and that takes courage in itself. I also believe in little things, dreams, everyday people, me make the biggest change

I am not the smartest person around. I am not the quietest either. I stand up for what i believe in, even if doing so scares me shitless. I take extra care to look pretty when I am out with the boyfriend even though he thinks I would look good even without taking a bath, unkept hair and food stuck in my mouth. I do things based on how I feel that particular morning and refuse to engage in things that upset me over long periods. I also read things that are super serious and sometimes love movies with social issues and work in areas where happiness is measured and given.

You will find me in the trains, in parks, laughing and crying and I will be the girl you will easily forget but always describe because there are millions like me.

I am confused as fuck. About life, about people, about my feelings towards them. I am also twisted. I am one of the most twisted people I know and one of the most sorted people others know. I don’t trust myself and like myself sometimes but on most days I think I am a good human being.

I have a lot of doubts about myself and who I am and what I am doing in life and whether it really adds up to anything and how I need to change the world. Like every warm blooded teenager. But I think I can’t and that I won’t make a difference.

I am also lazy. I make promises to myself that I don’t keep. The only promises I keep are those to my best friends. I think they are the only people who bring out the best in me and see the best in me.

I am lost and I am also sure of where I am going.

I am confused. Did I already say that?

I also firmly believe

But I forget.

So basically I am your average teenager, lost on how to explain who she is but has a plethora of things that she wants to say and great things that describe her but can think of nothing. I am, so to say, ordinary.